Feeling Lonely and Wanting a Wife: A Rant

Let me be completely honest. I’m lonely. I live alone (which I do like, and my seizures are controlled BTW), but at the moment I have like two local friends. One of them is more of an acquaintance. So yeah. My mom, stepdad, and grandmother also live in the area, but dealing with them is exhausting. My mom constantly worries that I’m going to have another seizure. She invited me last year to move back in with her, but that would be torture TBH. I feel trapped when I’m with her. I love her, but man, I just don’t feel like I can be myself around her. I want a wife. That’s honestly what I want right now. My whole family is getting older. Even if I did live with my mom, she’s getting close to 70. She can’t take care of me forever. My dad, who lives far away, is even older and has serious health issues. If anything, I should be the one taking care of him, not the other way around. If I had a wife and/or kids, my family wouldn’t worry about me anymore. They would know that my wife and kids, who would be my age and younger, would be able to take care of me better than they can. It would be such a blessing not just to me but also to my whole family. It would take the burden off my mom that she feels to worry about me having another seizure because, hey, my wife lives with me and can do it better than she can. Yes, I’m aware that this is biased. Yes, I’m aware that marriage wouldn’t solve all of my problems. Yes, I’m aware that my mom will ALWAYS worry about me because that’s how moms are. I get it, so please save those comments for later. I get it. I’m just ranting and venting. But here’s the thing. Being an awkward dude with epilepsy, cognitive issues, and out of shape doesn’t help the situation. Who in the hell would want me anyway? Even if I do convince some wacko woman to date me, as soon as she finds out about all my health issues, she’d probably leave anyway. It limits my options to maybe one or two women in the world who probably aren’t that attractive and already have kids anyway. I dunno. I just feel screwed. I’m in my mid-30s. The only women left who I’d even want to date are women in their 20s and still physically able to have children. And what if I passed on my seizure genes down to my kids? Ugh. I’m just in a funk. Hopefully I can get out of it soon. Pray for me.