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NotManicPanic

399d

I got off here a while ago because it wasn't helping. now things are so bad I don't know what else to do. I have very toxic family that hurt me more than words can say and I now have no income and because I'm being kicked out I'm looking at becoming homeless. I have nowhere to go and no one willing to take me in and help me get on my feet. I'm looking for a job and no luck yet. I'm crying and more depressed than usual, drinking what I had and have no more so I can't numb the pain that way now either. I have nothing and nobody. all I want is a chance to turn things around and someone to take me in and help me. I don't and I don't want to go to a shelter because I don't know what happens there. I'm beyond scared and I wouldn't be in this situation if I haven't been controlled all my life. I haven't even been able to leave the room today. I have no luck at all. I was hoping to finally find myself and move on but this already the worst year of my entire life so far and that's saying something. I feel like people hate me, think I'm lazy, crazy or they just plain don't care.I'm not lazy but due to the situation and my mental state I have no motivation and can't force myself to do anything. I try to help others and just let myself go and it seems like this is the price I'm paying for it. I'm really struggling and honestly don't want to go on because everything keeps getting worse and I can't handle more. I don't want to feel like this anymore and I don't know what to do. I don't know who I can talk to or where I can turn to get the help I'm desperately seeking. I have had goals and things I wanted to do but I always got nowhere and now... I don't know anymore. I have never done anything to anyone and I don't deserve this but yet its happening anyway. I feel uncared for and unheard. I never wanted to be dependent on any kind of help but I actually need it now more than ever. where do I go from here? what do I do? I'm at the end of my rope so serious kind and helpful words only please.

Top reply
    • NotManicPanic

      398d

      @Goose110 thank you, I will and that's really sweet. I've actually always done my best to help others and in turn my life has been put on hold, that and being controlled and hurt by others so I don't think I've done anything wrong. I sometimes upset others accidentally but I always take it back and try to make it up to them

    • NotManicPanic

      398d

      I really feel like a loser and a failure. šŸ˜„

      • Goose110

        398d

        @NotManicPanic no you are having a bad time you very important donā€™t ever think that way because what what youā€™re thinking is is not not really the that the truth that you got a hang in there and ask God for a repentance for anything youā€™ve done and and there is somebody out there that will help you I know and Iā€™m probably one of them but the I donā€™t know your whole situation but if you need to talk just get a hold of me thank you

        • NotManicPanic

          398d

          @Goose110 thank you, I will and that's really sweet. I've actually always done my best to help others and in turn my life has been put on hold, that and being controlled and hurt by others so I don't think I've done anything wrong. I sometimes upset others accidentally but I always take it back and try to make it up to them

    • tigerbear

      398d

      Hello lovely, first of all I'm so sorry you're having such a crap time. It doesn't seem fair and it sounds overwhelming. Please give yourself credit for reaching out and posting here! It's scary and I'm proud of you. On a practical note it sounds like having somewhere safe to stay and getting some financial support are priorities. Are you in the UK? If you are, there are a few options off the top of my head, obviously a shelter which you've mentioned, but also specific women's aid organisations which can sometimes offer accommodation too. My local council has a page specifically for people at risk of becoming homeless, with lots of info. Perhaps your council does too? I know that both aid organisations and councils resources are stretched, but they should be able to offer something! Our council puts emergency homeless in B&Bs short term - I imagine that would be a lot less scary than a shelter. Do you feel up to checking out your council's housing website, and contacting them? I expect you'd also be entitled to some benefits and Citizens Advice or another local service should be able to give you advice and help with applying. I know doing these things can feel like a lot when you're really low. If you have a friend who could help with some admin, try to reach out to them? Otherwise just take it one step at a time. Just choose one - any one - who might be able to help. You *will* find someone who can help you, but you might have to try and be a bit patient, or persevere if the first few calls you make aren't helpful. This change seems scary but it could be the start of some positive steps towards getting some support and getting away from toxic family and making a fresh start. Try to be kind to yourself, be patient, and keep asking for help until you get it. Sending you lots of love and hope for getting the help you need šŸ’•

      • NotManicPanic

        398d

        @tigerbear hello and thank you for reaching out to me. No, I'm not in the UK. I'm in the us and I don't know if I'll have those options available to me. Since I can't pay my phone bill I have no service so anything I try would have to be online. I don't even have transportation. I Can't drive, have no vehicle and so far can't get anyone to bring me anywhere. Anywhere I'd go I'd probably have to walk and I get lost easily. I know there's dss but I don't know where the building is or again of anyone who can bring me. I also know that a note from who's kicking me out would be required and he wouldn't do that and would instead let me suffer more, there's also no guarantee that they'd put me up anywhere. I asked a friend for help and had no luck and was only offered a shelter and it upset me. Obviously I know nothing about these places but don't people steal? I don't want to lose what little I have and probably wouldn't be able to bring much with me and I don't want to leave anything behind because what I do have matters a lot to me and I can see someone just tossing it out. I don't really have any friends but the one because I keep seeming to draw in terrible people like I'm a magnet. Its just seeming like I have no one where I am on my side and like I can't count on or trust anyone. I don't even know if staff at my local churches would help especially with me not being a member or anything. I have been trying to search today though. I don't handle stress or bad news or bad changes well and have had bad depression and anxiety since I was a kid. I won't take medication either because it doesn't help how things are and they've kept getting worse anyway. So I was drinking to cope on and off and finally finished off what I had last night to try to numb myself but all I did was feel everything heavier and I just broke. And this had only been a few weeks that it really took a turn. I don't want to put too many details out but the vile levels that have been stooped to to try to get rid of myself and others are revolting and disgusting. He who did this lied and did awful things including trying to initiate a fight and call the authorities to try to have a reason to remove us which didn't work but still this is who he is( a low and awful man) and rallied people onto his side including his friend who did similar things to try to help him of all people. Its nauseating and downright wrong. I'll continue to try but I really don't have high hopes. I've been broken by these people before but never this badly

ā˜ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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