Jaejae

245d

lately I can be so happy and then the next hour I can feel so empty depressed hopeless worthless and etc. I don't understand why it's like this but I feel stupid. I can't describe how I feel and idk why it's like this. most of it is from the past so I don't see why I would still dwell on it. if I am I don't notice. I hope I'm making sense. idk what to do idk what's causing this idk what's wrong with me. whatever it is I wanna figure out what it is and stop it. is this normal? anytime I wanna vent it feels like I'm seeking for attention. I feel like my feelings aren't valid since it isn't as bad as others. what is wrong with me. I don't understand. am I maybe just overreacting over everything wtf is wrong with me.

Depression

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  • bergamot_b

    245d

    No matter how intense the feeling is, it is important to acknowledge it and to appreciate yourself for trying to understand it. I know that asking for help can feel like seeking attention, but is there really anything wrong with that? Attention is nice! What you're going through us no doubt making you feel very lonely and vulnerable. I promise you there will be people that WANT to listen to you and WANT to love you. What you're feeling, although it's terrible, it is perfectly normal. If there's something from the past that you may be thinking about, even deep in your mind, try to do a deep dive on that when you're able to. It's very hard and it can take a long time to get to the bottom of it sometimes, but I promise once you start that journey it can be so nice to get some answers for yourself! Much love 💜

    • Jaejae

      245d

      thanks but, anytime someone tells me to vent to them they usually blow it off, tell me I should just stop and be happy, tell me that I should just leave my past like it's that easy. To just forgive ppl who have done me really wrong. Idk what to do anymore. Idk who to vent to and who to not cuz even when they tell me to vent it's like they just wanted me to feel safe but didn't want me to actually vent. I hope I pinpoint this and stop it soon. It's getting exhausting sometimes. I don't wanna give up, I don't wanna end it. I just want this gone and over. Idk how to explain it. It's hard. Idk how to explain my thought process and everything. I even started ghosting ppl and stuff and no one notices. It's not like me. I usually always respond no matter how wrong the person has done me. Even relapsing, no one cares until I relapse. When I'm sober it doesn't matter. I try hard. But it's try harder or sum. I'm really trying.idk how to explain. Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

      • bergamot_b

        245d

        when it comes to other people noticing your struggles, I think it's possible that they are noticing, they might not know what to do with the information though. which is a hard thing to wrap your head around, I've had to do the same. It's very hard when you don't know who the real friends are and when they're maybe not as reciprocated as you might like them to be. It comes with lots of trial and error unfortunately. This might sound bleak, but I do hope it can give you some insight as to what's happening. and sorry if it comes off as preachy, I do not want to tell you how to feel or think at all. maybe just some help 💜

  • JayMalex

    245d

    Well i been taking therapy for 9 years now and honestly just try smiling for 10 minutes straight then 20 till you reach a full day it forces you to be happy and they’re isn’t a way to change the past and I understand how you feel because we have the same Diagnosis and I can understand how complex and hard it is to understand ourselves.

    • Jaejae

      245d

      thanks, I'll try that. And thank you btw for responding. It means alot. <3 Its just hard sometimes idk

      • JayMalex

        245d

        yea sure no problem and definitely let me know how that goes

  • laceyandme

    242d

    Sounds to me your bipolar and that maybe talking about it with someone can help. I know me and you have stuff in common about family. Your not attention seeking your just venting everyone needs that in there life

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