kai_milkyway

233d

hello, my name is kaiden. I'm new here and wanted to try this out to get advice and try to help others at the moment. so not that long ago I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and his other boyfriend. I'm a polyamorous individual but dont prefer it, I'm okay with whatever my partner wants. but I'll spare the reasons on why we separated and such. I need advice. we broke it off a month ago because of my mental health detaining rabidly. but I've been having these episodes recently and I'm not sure what it is. I'm thinking it could be my OCD but I want to fact check it with others. I get really nervous when talking about this stuff to my therapist because I'm afraid they might laugh or not take me seriously. I would wake up or before I head to work always check my socials and such thinking they texted me. first off set of the morning is fine. but through out the day i get more nervous and panicky to where i need my inhaler on me. I start to think something happened and they left or replaced me. which makes me end up driving to their house, but either way they end up reassuring me it's fine and all then I leave. I dont know why. but the thought of them not with me makes me upset. I have to always try to involve myself with them when i can and try to make plans with them as early as i can. to make sure its orderly and perfect. as if we were still with one another. when they cancel the plans I go into a bad spiral of depression and anxiety. I start relapsing my bad behaviors and end up missing classes and sometimes work. it's getting really bad but by the time I go to my therapist I explain everything's in order and going perfectly. I just feel ashamed that I feel this way. I have to make people see that my life is stable and orderly so people think I'm a nice person and want to be friends with me.

Depression

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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  • K.E

    233d

    Hi Kaiden, there’s nothing to be ashamed about, you aren’t crazy, you are valid. Your therapist would agree. Fear of abandonment could perhaps be borderline personality disorder but it sounds like OCD to me. Obsessing over something then driving to check it. Standard I think. Idk but I have OCD too, ha. As for your polyamory relationship, I’m monogamous but I think in order to be in a successful poly relationship it requires boundaries and communication all of which sounds like isn’t happening in yours. It doesn’t matter your sexuality or who you’re with, you deserve respect just as they do. Speak up for yourself tell your boyfriend what you want. Set standards and boundaries even if it’s scary. You’re worth it and your feelings are real

  • Sunshineseeker90

    223d

    It sounds like relationship OCD. A common theme in OCD. I woukd highly reccomend the NOCD app as well. Similiar to this but specifically for ocd, I see a lot of people who are describing what you are, they coin it relationship ocd. I also have ocd, there are many subtypes and themes.

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