Feeling Stuck and Confused

I'm so stuck in the middle it feels like. I thought what I was doing the right thing such as getting a new job because I needed more money, and pushing someone (and others) away. I've been blaming others for my issues. I'm so confused because this is not the person I want to be at all. it's like a confusing reality that I'm doing something wrong and if I keep messing up.. I'm so confused. I miss the guy I like and I've been supressing my feelings and saying I don't have feelings when I still do and just keep denying myself for those feelings and other feelings. I don't know what to do or what to even say... I feel like I'm just making myself look more like a fool and just keep getting deeper in this mess of mine..