Frequent Suicidal Thoughts and Fear of Scaring My Girlfriend

Yes. I get a lot of really graphic mental images of me stabbing, bludgeoning, and just generally injuring/ killing myself at random intervals.

i take the underground rail often nowadays and every time i'm down there, i get intrusive thoughts about jumping down to the tracks just before the train arrives. similar thoughts come up whenever i'm on a high outdoor balcony, on a bridge over water, etc... it's emotionally draining to have those thoughts rattling in my head whenever i'm just trying to enjoy my friends' company or trying to get to places. i hear it's normal to *occasionally* get those thoughts, even for people who don't struggle with mental health issues. it's our way of reinforcing that some very easy self-destructive actions are not okay. but for some of us it's obviously more frequent and stronger urges. i just want to encourage you in that you aren't alone with these thoughts and you are strong for every time you don't succumb to them. i'm happy you're still here, OP. keep beating those intrusive ideas back and keep living. i'll try to do the same, too. sending hugs ♡

Yeah, there are loads of times that I have those thoughts. You aren't alone in dealing with that. Intrusive thoughts are normal. It's when you act on those thoughts that it becomes problematic. I recommend talking about it whether it's with your Gf or a therapist. If you talk about these thoughts might not occur as frequently.