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Feeling Outcasted by In-Laws: Is This Normal?

Wolffgirl

670d

This is a slight vent.. The only place I know my entire In-Laws isn't at.. Me and my husband are common law married, we have a daughter together, we have lived together for over 2 years. We just haven't had the money to get married. Yet some of his family still sees me as like; Baby Mama, Girlfriend, Just The Girl Who Had His Kid. Hell one of his 5 sisters tried to tell everyone that I told her, "*Our daughter* isn't even Eric's.. I'm not sure who is the father." But for the first year we were together, when I got pregnant, we were always together 24/7 everyday. Neither of us worked yet and had plenty of time to spend together. His mom, my MIL, is amazing. She sees me as her own, brags about me, and her granddaughter all the time. Even to her own daughters she says, "Wolff helps us so much, she hardly asks for anything, she stays as far out of the way as she can. She checks on me every chance she gets and makes sure before everyone else is awake that I have what I need." (My MIL is completely disabled with no legs..) I don't know why... But here lately, two of his sisters keep pulling him away from me or degrading me as a mother.. One of them has never had kids and tries to act like she is raising her niece.. She claims almost every thing she had taught her.. Down to my daughter saying Mama for the first time... Today.. Just 15 minutes ago, I texted my husband who was in another room smoking that we should watch a movie called WolfWalkers sometime tonight.. Not even 5 minutes after that message, he comes and tells me, "I guess... I'm taking mom, Younger sister, sisters bf out fishing tonight.." This means 100% I can't go because there is no room for the baby's Carseat and the baby's bedtime is 9:30pm. I feel completely lost and upset.. I want to just ball my eyes out.. Am I allowed to feel outcasted..? Or is this normal..?

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Anemia

Anxiety (Including GAD)

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    • SufferingMamabear

      669d

      @Wolffgirl Firat off, I am sovery sorry this is happening to you. You have every right to feel your feelings, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Our emotions come from a place deeply inside of us, often based in something we experienced before, and that we learned to feel or react a certain way to. They are valid, and they matter. This all being said, please make sure you sit down with your husband and explain your frustration and hurt at the way the sisters are being. You and him both need to be a united front when you confront those girls together and explain to them that: 1) Your daughter has a mother already, and does not need s else to step in for you unless/until you ask for the assistance. They need to respect your role and the boundaries that role entails. 2) You and your husband have a family of your own that need to be priority #1. That you do not mind helping out, that you enjoy helping out and love them, but that plans with the three of you (husband, you, and baby) take first priority. As an example, when my husband gets asked to help out with something at a friend's place or to hang out, get a beer, ect he texts me first and asks, "Do we have plans or anything you wanted to do this day? I was asked this, and wanted to know if it's okay to say yes." It's the same vise versa with me asking him. If you're both constantly conferring with one another, and come across as a unit, the others will start to learn that they can't use/abuse time with one of you to ostracize/seclude the other. It's hard to get to that point, especially when you've got a givers heart and want to not be 'in the way' or a 'bother/hinderance'. Believe me, I know first hand...but your little girl needs to be your first priority, and having you and daddy together, happier and solidly confident that you have each other's back, is going to help her grow up knowing what she herself is capable of and what tolook for in her own partner/ boundaries she needs to set to be healthy and happy.

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    • Wolffgirl

      669d

      See that is where things become.. Complicated? He has confronted them, I have, and their mother has.. But they blame me for "Changing their bubb!" He is the only boy and the next to youngest (Him being 22 and his baby sister is 20) They didn't have a proper father figure.. And painfully (I watched this cause we grew up together) he was either tortured by his sisters or he was their other parent. So I've pretty much stolen their brother.. They even said, "You just let Wolffgirl get in the way. You can't even come see your own family without her tagging along!" I became a burden to them while I was pregnant and they have manipulated him so many times... He always tries to put down his foot, but he just can't say no to his mom so they go through her to get him. This has hurt him and his mom's relationship.. So I sit and talk with his mom to keep her updated on how he feels.

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    • Brandonv01

      670d

      Talk with your MIL let her know what is going on

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      • Wolffgirl

        670d

        @Brandonv01 It just all came at me once today.. I hold stuff in my mind for so long that at some point one thing just sets me off.. That's what happened today.. 1. I have a phobia to Ants (The kitchen is full of ants rn) 2. The baby was having a tantrum day because of teething.. 3. All the towels in the house were dirty, I already had a shit ton of laundry to do.. 4. Found out someone is using the washable mop pads as dish cloths.. So I couldn't switch the mop pad until laundry was done.. 5. Someone decided to throw everything into the washer at once while I was taking a nap.. Woke up to an unbalanced washer with SOAKED pillows and blankets.. 6. When my husband finally gets home, he is dragged away again to go fishing.. 7. (Kinda always a issue) Everyone drags him away, berates him for being a absent father and working too much. But won't let have time with his daughter either. And then berates him about not being a good husband, but won't wat h the baby so we can go on a date or do anything.

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        • SufferingMamabear

          669d

          @Wolffgirl Firat off, I am sovery sorry this is happening to you. You have every right to feel your feelings, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Our emotions come from a place deeply inside of us, often based in something we experienced before, and that we learned to feel or react a certain way to. They are valid, and they matter. This all being said, please make sure you sit down with your husband and explain your frustration and hurt at the way the sisters are being. You and him both need to be a united front when you confront those girls together and explain to them that: 1) Your daughter has a mother already, and does not need s else to step in for you unless/until you ask for the assistance. They need to respect your role and the boundaries that role entails. 2) You and your husband have a family of your own that need to be priority #1. That you do not mind helping out, that you enjoy helping out and love them, but that plans with the three of you (husband, you, and baby) take first priority. As an example, when my husband gets asked to help out with something at a friend's place or to hang out, get a beer, ect he texts me first and asks, "Do we have plans or anything you wanted to do this day? I was asked this, and wanted to know if it's okay to say yes." It's the same vise versa with me asking him. If you're both constantly conferring with one another, and come across as a unit, the others will start to learn that they can't use/abuse time with one of you to ostracize/seclude the other. It's hard to get to that point, especially when you've got a givers heart and want to not be 'in the way' or a 'bother/hinderance'. Believe me, I know first hand...but your little girl needs to be your first priority, and having you and daddy together, happier and solidly confident that you have each other's back, is going to help her grow up knowing what she herself is capable of and what tolook for in her own partner/ boundaries she needs to set to be healthy and happy.

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        • Brandonv01

          670d

          @Wolffgirl sorry to hear that.

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    • Wolffgirl

      670d

      Yes.. And both of them I've said something to them.. The older SIL living with us has backed off some and tries to be more like a sister to me at times. But she still tries to play mom.. The youngest.. I don't know anymore. She thanks me for helping, but otherwise hardly speaks to me since her mom brags about me and not her.. But she also knows I do a lot for her mom even having stayed in the hospital for a week with her mom while she had her second leg was removed.. I was also 14 weeks pregnant..

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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