Feeling Lost and Hopeless: Need Advice on Finding a Therapist

I'm 24 Female. existential crisis to the max. I dropped out of highschool to be a concert addict. Then got trapped in an abusive relationship coming home when my mom died. Since then I been working on myself and bouncing around from jobs. Now I'm being bounced around between family and rn unemployed. Been feeling really hopeful on my journey in general but looking into it I seem like a sad story and idk what to do with this life of mine. I miss being a kid and I feel like I missed out on life. and now I feel so lost. especially since I'm older and who I'm living with I'm really on my own. I see a psychiatrist and been taking so many meds for 10+ years . bouncing around between psychiatrists too getting 'bipolar' diagnosis passed around. Haven't had a steady therapist since I was a kid. How can I find a decent therapist as an adult that can help with my diagnosis or be able to touch and tweak my medicine? there's no stability in my life and my body just feels weak and sad I would say my biggest problems are from getting where I need to. That and not feeling safe and any stability. which a therapist would help too. (my last therapist was cool shes far distance wise but she said it was my job as an adult to take care of my doctor's appointments when I asked her if she could talk to my psychiatrist about my medicine and my well-being) any advice on decent online therapists or positive affirmations or quality websites or maybe some emotional support? a there there? anything guys I think I need some help soon and Idk where to ask for help or if I talk to my psychiatrist on the phone in a couple weeks I'm just gonna chicken out on telling her how it is or I'm just gonna feel better about it in a positive masked way for the moment. I really want to do better.