Navigating My Identity and Relationship Changes

I mean even if you are partially to blame for him not coming out yet, he could have also communicated that his gender and your sexuality dont align like you did. Assuming you didn't actively pressure him into being feminine so you could still date him or ignore/brush off any of his attempts to come out, it's also on him to acknowledge that you just weren't compatible due to sexuality and gender differences and put in effort to communicate that and adjust your relationship accordingly. But some people just aren't ready yet and use a relationship (romantic or non) or other situation as an excuse to not come out, and then when that relationship or situation ends they take that as a sign that it's time to come out or do so anyways because they feel they've run out of excuses. When you came out as a lesbian and left him it's possible that he read that as a sign that is time to fully embrace himself. You'll never know what exactly happened there unless you talk to him about it but unless you were doing it on purpose then it was a mistake that you couldn't have possibly known about, and one you can make up for by being supportive in whatever ways work for you two now.

hey! that’s a tough situation, but I wouldn’t blame yourself! gender and sexuality are fluid, and it can be hard to figure it out. while it is possible he was holding off bc he was scared of losing your relationship, it isn’t something you could’ve controlled. ultimately it was his journey of self discovery, and the choice of when to come out was his. your self discovery is also valid, and expressing your preferences with him was valid. if you have a good relationship with him now, maybe tell him how you feel and talk about it to alleviate the guilt you feel.

I think that as long as you didn't put pressure on him to be something he's not I don't see a problem with you expressing your preferences!