Struggling with Relationship and Mental Health Issues

---BPD Rambling---Sry...😔 Im having a really bad mental health day. I feel like my bf is doing something behind my back and im not sure if its real or my paranoia. He used to not care about leaving his phone or ipad around. But lately hes taking both with him absolutely everywhere, including when he showers. And hes started locking the door, which is new. Ive never barged in unannounced so i dont understand. He has an ungodly amount of social media dating profiles, which he says are old and he doesnt go on them. He says to respect his privacy, which i do, but i found out he used my fingerprint when i was sleeping to go thru my phone. He doesnt want sex anymore and constantly tells me everything i do/say/dont do is wrong. He doesnt give me any kind of affection, even tho i told him in the beginning that thats important to me and my mental health. I was upfront when we met about my issues and what triggers me, ect... I recently lost my grams, who i lived with and cared for. She went on life support suddenly and i had to make the decision to let her go on January 6th, 2022. I had to take care of all of her business. The landlord kicked me out of my grams house because I was not on the lease. Ive been having a really hard time with everything and i still dont get the support i need. I have nobody else and nowhere else to go, so i stay with him. He holds it over my head that he can kick me out at any time, making jokes, and he even gave me an old tent. Im not able to get upset with anything he says or does. Even when he makes fun of me, my looks, my situation... He says im toxic, manipulating, narcissistic, ect... I am tired of life and most days i have no will to live. To make things better/worse, my period is 2 months late. Im too scared to get a test. Now im worried about a whole new set of problems. Sorry for rambling on but i just need to tell someone how im feeling, even if no one reads this. 💔😪🙇‍♀️