Navigating PTSD and Abuse: Struggling to Find Support

Does anyone else feel like their PTSD comes out randomly sometimes? I'm aware of many of my triggers and know that I've been more stressed in general, but being able to see it and stop it is just hard. Word vomiting is starting to happen more. I lost my mind yesterday and had a panic attack. I knew logically the things weren't happening but the feelings were there and are still kind of here today. I know that it is going to take time to find the right medication and have therapy to work, but I feel like lately it's just too much. I feel like I'm not getting support from people I need and my emotions and word vomiting isn't helping. After so many years of not having these problems and having these problems again worse for the past few months, I'm starting to feel like I'm making this worse too. I have one counselor saying that you have to depend on yourself and another saying you need friends. That of itself is confusing to me. My biggest thing right now is mothers day. I shared with my friend over text in the midst of a PTSD high yesterday my mom tried to stab me at 16 and my dad said I was being overdramatic even with my mom admitting it. I feel guilty how I did it, but I truly felt like I needed support. I felt like she wasn't getting that the reason I don't go to family is because I don't want to go to then when I'm dealing with my child abuse. She didn't respond after that. I just want to be happy and to be over this. This is the first time in my life that I've really tried to address these kind of things with a professional as well which are bring more of these memories.