Dealing with BPD and a Breakup: My Story

I just had a massive manic episode… my favorite person recently broke up with me and i spiraled from relapse to constant panic and frustration until last night i cried and begged them to see me, and made multiple irrational choices. they didnt and i continued to feel that way and randomly burst into tears all day until i had to call my mom and ask her to come help me (im too old for that). I feel so embarrassed and at the same time i know how i felt and that its not my fault. I feel like i just broke away from them as a favorite person and i feel so alone and empty and i really need some new people to talk to. That was really the worst ive felt that i can remember. It feels like he gets whatever he needs but i can never get him to help me when i need him. He says he understands being my favorite person but i know he doesnt because he tries to talk to me like im at all rational. I know in a normal world without bpd it is fine if he goes home when i need him because hes sick, but its everyday and i unfortunately do have bpd. Everytime we have conflicting needs he always decides to do whats best for him no matter how much i suffer. I know i could never listen to him crying and begging for me to just hug him and i dont understand how he can just brush that off and continue trying to talk about himself.