I’m struggling to build genuine connections with others. I moved to a new state almost a year ago and I haven’t made a single genuine friend. I’m in a “circle” of people but can’t seem to get close to anyone. I’ve had close friendships before but not very many. I’ve only had 1 close friend after high school and we aren’t friends anymore (I’m 23 btw). How can I tell if it’s me that’s the problem or if I’m just surrounded by the wrong people? I’ve experienced a lot of betrayal from past friends and have developed a lot of social anxiety. I just don’t know if it’s me or them. Am I just giving off bad vibes because I’m anxious/struggle to trust people? These people also know I have BPD and I fear that they intentionally don’t let themselves get close to me because of it. I’m so sad and hopeless about all of this. I’ve hit a point where I feel like I need to accept that I will never have a genuine friendship again. I use DBT skills from interpersonal relationships module. Its has helped to get consistent people in my life but I haven’t been able to further things and DBT can’t really help me with this as far as I know. Any tips?🥺

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • bugdealer


    Hey there, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this right now. I’ve definitely been there. I will say that it’s gotten better over the years. (I’m only 25, but still!) The best advice I can give is try to remain authentic as possible. When I was struggling with this I found myself becoming a chameleon to fit into whatever I thought would make myself seem worthy or “normal.” Once I started being myself unapologetically, I found I started attracting more of the people that understood me. Still, I find it hard to get close to neurotypical people without mental illness. Another thing that helped me was recognizing where people similar to me frequented and then striking up conversation. I’ve made lasting friends at dirty dive bars, thrift stores, and art communities. Basically there are tons of us out there, but they’re all just like us. We have to seek each other out. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. Close friendships take time. Ask yourself if this person will ever reciprocate the energy you put into helping them understand you. If not, they aren’t worth being friends with anyway.

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