Cricket01

199d

I move back to my college dorm in month. Every time I think about moving back in with my roommate I feel angry and anxious.

Irritability and Anger

Acute Anxiety

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Restlessness and Agitation

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  • Max_F

    199d

    Have you had any bad encounters with your roommate? If you have that might be why and your brain is still sending signals that they are dangerous.

    • Cricket01

      199d

      yes we are friends but they often joke about my major (therapy) because they think therapists try to manipulate your emotions or whatever. The “jokes” just get exhausting. Our room is so small and our beds are like 3 feet apart So I try to stay out as much as possible. I get up at like 7am and come back around 10pm but it’s hard to sleep because they’re constantly studying on their bed and typing away all night

      • Max_F

        199d

        that is probably why then but idk.

  • Lunarr

    199d

    Have you talked to them about these issues and explained how they make you feel? You shouldn't feel anxious and upset about coming back to a room you're meant to feel safe in and I'm sorry that that's the case. Sharing a room means compromise and you're allowed to ask for some boundaries like "stop talking like that about my future career" or "please be mindful of your noise and light level when I'm trying to sleep". These are reasonable requests and they might not be aware you have an issue with their behavior until you bring it up. Unfortunately close quarters and frantic late night typing are a part of college life you may have to learn to live with. Earplugs/headphones and a sleep mask are your best friend in this case. I bought Loop Quiet earplugs to deal with dorm noise this upcoming semester and so far they seem to work well on softer noises like distant or quiet chatter and typing while still being comfy enough to sleep on my side with them in. You should search for personal solutions, too, as sometimes late nights writing an essay cannot be avoided and it's your roommate's right to work on classwork. I don't think someone you consider a friend should be actively disparaging your chosen major, though, it's rude to you and therapists everywhere

    • Cricket01

      198d

      we’ve been roommates for 2 years and it just slowly got worse. It got to the point that I talked to them about how I couldn’t sleep with them stressing out in the same room and asked them to go to the living room to do homework whenever I was in bed. They did that for about a week before reverting back to their old habit of staying in bed all afternoon through the night doing homework. So I talked to them again and they got kinda mad and didn’t change. They didn’t seem willing to sit on the couch instead of their bed, which I guess I understand the bed is more comfortable. It’s def been hard because I want to respect their stressful major and the fact that they have to constantly study and do homework but I am also worried about how they like never sleep. They got defensive when I brought that up too. Pre-med degrees are harder than behavioral science degrees so I wouldn’t understand. I have Loops and they work great! I usually use my airpod noise cancelation and listen to white noise to sleep. It just got annoying that I had to do that every night because sometimes I just want to sleep without all these accommodations, you know?

      • Lunarr

        198d

        That sounds like a tough situtation. I know you're friends but sometimes even the best of friends can't live together because of conflicting living styles which might be the case here. I think it's disrespectful of your roommate to get upset about a perfectly reasonable solution to the study/sleep issue. You need sleep just as much as they need to work. Maybe you could ask them what about it wasn't working for them and move forward from there, hear both sides of the story. I wasn't aware you guys had a living room, is it on campus or an apartment? If you're able maybe you guys could invest in a piece of furniture or desk with a nice chair your roommate would like to study at so they would go there, instead. I also work on my bed most times so I get it but if it were disturbing a housemate I'd go somewhere else, you know? I go to an art college so I don't have any practical STEM major experience but I've read the horror stories surrounding premed and med students lol. If your roommate wants to run themself into the ground staying up all night that's their own issue they need to work through but your room is a shared space and they need to be more thoughtful of your place there, too. Maybe trying to establish the bedroom as a place for rest and sleep only? Idk, like isolate studying and schoolwork to other spaces like the living room or the library for both of you to create a no-work all-rest calm space for the greater mental health of the suite. I totally feel you on not wanting to use earplugs all the time! Right outside my dorm room is a designated "quiet area" but people are out there talking at like 1am and because of the way the building is made I can hear them word for word through the wall. It's infuriating and I've had to go out there multiple times over the last couple years to politely tell people to hush during quiet hours ;7;

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