Struggling with BPD: To Get a Diagnosis or Not?

*sigh* …It’s one of those days where my brain picks up the Thing (BPD) and says I’m struggling with it I dunno if I have it. Sometimes I suspect I do. There are cycles (usually around mensing) where my inner voice says, “You definitely have it, why hide it? Why hide it at all? Stop hiding.” And it’s followed by a shame spiral, disconnection, and what I recently discovered what is defined as emptiness (I didn’t understand the concept & definition between the feeling and the word). I try and chase it away. I’m always scared that I might have it because the stigma is HUGE and getting misunderstood often, and I see those who have it get more crap from social situations from an official diagnosis. Yet I’m afraid of an official dx because of all that would come with it, and if it would make me feel better or worse. And then feel terrible for wanting to keep it secret and not get screened.