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Dealing with Guilt and the Need to Apologize

italianxpeaches

493d

How do you guys deal with immense guilt and the feeling/want to apologize for maybe something you've done but yet, that other person won't come around for it? won't call, won't answer calls, won't come visit you and won't let you come visit them even though they also say they want to tell and even set up a plan and meeting on their own terms and still make excuses not to come to it. I feel like what I'm dealing with will forever eat me alive and suffocate me from the inside out.

2

14

14

Depression

Syncope

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    • italianxpeaches

      493d

      I used to tell him he was a narcissist but I felt bad about that so I stopped and apologized and told him he wasn't. But here lately I feel like more and more he's shown narcissistic tendencies. Because if things didn't go his way, he absolutely refused to engage in conversation and he would shut me down immediately no matter how gentle I was about it. I would have to absolutely beg for him to respond or talk and even that did not work on the end. If I wanted to talk about something or ask questions about suspicions or issues, he'd ignore me for days on end until he thought I forgot about it or he'd say he's too tired and act like he fell asleep, blacked out or was in emotional distress. So often times I had to console him and forget about the issue. If I brought it up again, he'd do it all again. Or he'd throw his phone or hang up on me. He's autistic, that I know. So I figured he just doesn't wanna deal with things. Every day I take responsibility for myself, what I did was horrible too. But I always feel like I could've did something different and maybe it would've been different.

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      • InsightQueen

        492d

        @italianxpeaches Autism is a very huge spectrum and he can sit anywhere on that spectrum. No 2 people with autism will be alike and yes they will have their specific difficulties in certain areas but it sounds like he is high functioning enough to know exactly what he is doing to you. My daughter was also diagnosed on the spectrum and she knows exactly how to press buttons and hurt others. Yes autism affects them in so many ways but it can't be an excuse for abuse x

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        • italianxpeaches

          492d

          @InsightQueen he definitely knows what he's doing. He knew how to manipulate me. At first he didn't. But he learned my weaknesses. And knew if he came back the next day to say he's sorry and he loved me, he'd reel me back in. It worked for a long time. He is high functioning. He graduated college (where we met) and has worked multiple jobs, he only gets fired when he can't wake up to make it to them (because he stays up playing games all night)... He's capable of living a normal life. He just doesn't want to and whenever he's confronted about he's short comings, he will shut you down. When I lived with him, he would get down in the floor and curl up and act like he was asleep just so I wouldn't talk about problems. But yet he wasn't asleep, he was fully concious. Because he would smile off and on and move around. And when he learned that I was terrified of something I saw in the house (I know some people don't believe in spirits but I know dang well what I saw in that house plus it was right next to a funeral home), he completely used that against me. He started writing things on the mirror with a marker. He put a hand print on it... He was moving things around and throwing things. He was even throwing himself in the floor acting like someone threw him and he started acting like a demon was possessing him when we would argue so he could scare me and stop the issue. One night he blocked the door way in his room so I wouldn't leave and acted possessed. He also assigned this "demon" to be viking. When we didn't even know what kind of spirit was there and at first he said spirits don't exist and he didn't believe in it. He only started believing in it when he decided it would benefit him and he could add it to his antics and dramatizations. So yeah, I'd say he's fully aware of what he did and how to control me and my emotions.

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    • InsightQueen

      493d

      The fact he has shown manipulation, provocation (this is a tactic to get you to "act out" and make you look mad/unreasonable/psycho - take your pick, turned things round on you to make his bad behaviour your fault, gaslit you, controlled you and finally became physical to control you - shows not only a progressive abusive situation but narcissistic tendencies too. Also research into that. You will find a lot clicks.

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      • italianxpeaches

        493d

        @InsightQueen wow, it didn't ping you despite me replying to you 😅

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        • InsightQueen

          492d

          @italianxpeaches I might not have notifications on 🙈

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    • InsightQueen

      493d

      Hi, I can relate to this in a way. I have to work with 2 colleagues who are higher bands than me but also were my friends. We are no longer friends, just colleagues, and it has been very tense ever since I had my breakdown in 2019. They turned their backs on me & I made their working lives very difficult. I had no remorse or guilt. I refused to apologise after apologising once to one of them. When I regained more clarity I did feel remorse but the damage was done and to this day I still see they have their role in making it worse especially now I'm off sick again and they target someone else. I feel less guilt nowadays and accept the part I played and also accept I was and still am not well. I also have to work with the consequences of the aftermath. So I still have to live with accountability. So what I'm trying to say to help you is this, you can only apologise if they accept it and want to work on it with you - if not then accept the situation and release the guilt, accept the role you played and move on. At least you don't have to face them every day 😉

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      • italianxpeaches

        493d

        @InsightQueen does it ever get easier? Also what are some methods or ways you have implemented to help you deal with the aftermath and releasing guilt? In my situation, neither two of us were perfect. We were both twice and especially together. I was just the worse out of the two, but he often provoked me when alot of times it was unnecessary. I spent 7 months trying to rectify what I had done and fix it meanwhile he was more vile and cruel to me than I had been (at least that's how I felt), for he mentally and emotionally manipulated me as well as gaslit me. Then he was starting to physically try and control me. My last straw was when he physically threw me out of his house and told me I was not allowed to get the rest of my stuff that is mine and has nothing to do with him. Every day I acknowledge what I did but I don't think what I did ever warranted that in return. He was an amazing person before I met him. Somebody else has influenced him because when I moved out, he went absolutely haywire. I'm the one riddled with guilt though while he feels nothing.

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        • InsightQueen

          493d

          @italianxpeaches accept only your role - not his x

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        • InsightQueen

          493d

          @italianxpeaches what you have described is beyond toxic. It is abuse. Plain and simple. The guilt you feel is common in trauma bonds. I really feel you would benefit from researching this and you will understand the classic signs you are describing. The more knowledge you have the more you will understand what you are going through I promise x

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        • italianxpeaches

          493d

          @italianxpeaches We were both toxic* not twice 🤦🏻‍♀️ my phone I'm gonna throw it

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☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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