Exploring the Inner World of DID

Sometimes you have to put a lot of focus into perceiving it in a way that isnt indescribable. My fronting space is essentially a large space like void that we can float in, it has a single large screen that displays what our eyes see and anyone in the front who isn't having dissociative problems can see through it, sometimes we can catch a glimpse of it in the back but it's rare and more often we hear things instead in the back. Towards the back of the front room are two doors, one rotating door that I purposely added for ease of alter access and one rudimentary door, very familiar but I cant place it, that has been there as long as we've known. That door is chaotic and tends to be the cause of a forced switch. If you exit through either door you enter my main head space, it is a large forest with several undiscovered feature that dormant alters have mentioned seeing such as a cemetery. When I open the door it transitions to opening a metal gate leading to the front yard, porch, and entrance to a small cabin in this forest. It has a small bathroom, a large open concept living room and kitchen area full of toys, games, a bookshelf of real comics that we've intentionally memorized for the room, furniture, and a TV. There is a small bedroom that is reserved for a single caregiver alter and occasionally some of the younger littles. There is a back gate that opens to a garden but only alters who have kept a plant alive may enter it, and in the small backyard there is a single moss covered ladder that leads up to the roof, where I personally sleep.

There's a lot going on with ours, honestly. Some places are grey and dull, while others are colorful. There also seems to be no concrete layout, if someone wants to be somewhere, they just will be there. Idk if that last part makes sense, it's hard to explain

I would describe my inner world as if I were in a room with a giant screen in front of me: The view I get on that screen is what I see on the outside world through my eyes, but often, it's as if I were just sitting on a chair, in an empty room, watching that screen. I can see and hear everything perfectly fine, but when it comes to responding and reacting, I delay myself because someone else always wants to do it for me. Be it my gatekeepers, protector, trauma-holders, or littles, they sometimes react to specific triggers, so I tend to have normal conversations whenever I'm either alone with them, or with people I blindly trust in, like my mom or dad. Other than that, Katrina (protector) will handle most of the talking, to ensure that our surroundings are safe... And mostly because she's the most sociable one ✨

this is a funny one for us, in our innerworld its mostly grey and.. vacant, its quite empty and spacious theres vaguely an invisible line to front and bacm of "house", for a while i thought we were odd for not having a detailed innerworld then i figured its just part of our personal experiences and trauma