Every time I have a depressive episode I feel like I’m unworthy of my loved ones and life so I push them away and try to off myself in some attempt to “protect” them and eventually it gets to be too much and they leave me. I know that them leaving is understandable but I don’t want them to, I don’t have friends anymore because of this. And I’m not able to get medication to help me with this right now, I don’t know what to do, the relationships I had are unsalvageable at this point, I cause everyone so much stress, I don’t know how to make more friends my age and I feel so alone. I’m trying my best, I really am, but that’s not good enough, and that just sounds like an excuse for my shitty behavior. I’m just a bad person, but I want to get better, I want to exist normally, I hate my brain.

Bipolar Disorder

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