Insomniastic

37d

What's wrong with me? I've had severe depression for most of my life. I was born premature and sick and should've died by the age of 3. I thankfully turned around both literally and metaphorically. I have even been hospitalized for an attempt, I still say alleged, but we all know what it was. I have had depression since I was a baby almost. My dad was deployed, and I falsely told people he was dead and have been in therapy since I was 3. Now I'm starting to get better, and I've noticed myself lying and saying it's not working or it isn't strong, so it's not going to last. The medication seems to be helping; I just don't think I want to improve. I've been depressed my whole life. I don't even know who I am or would be without it.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

Suicidal ideation

Depression

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  • Gwen71

    36d

    🙏

  • feral.dyke

    36d

    I felt this way for years. I don’t know how it stopped, but eventually it did. I know (as someone with depression) that the sentiment of ‘it will get better’ is not only unhelpful but actively scary, and so I’m not here to share that sentiment. I am here to say I feel like a person, not just a shell of one, for the first time in my life but truthfully I am still terrified of who I would be if I was fully ‘better’, because what am I without the things that have ruled my life for the majority of it? Im not here to say ‘it gets better, hang in there’, Im here to say there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with you and I relate. There are things you are struggling with but that has no moral value either way.

    • Insomniastic

      36d

      thank you. I also hate when people say it gets better because it's only gotten worse trauma wise

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