Struggling with Rheumatoid Arthritis

my wrists and hands hurt so fucking bad!!! all my fingers are trying to escape towards my pinkies and it just hurts hurts hurts. and all these new little nodules on my spindly crooked knobby hands. i’m 30 and have the hands of a much older person. last night my partner really watched me clip my fingernails for the first time and was like “why do you hold [the nail clipper] like that?!” only to find i physically cannot hold it the regular way. i had to go on LOA from my full time retail job this past friday because i can’t cope with the pain, the brain fog, and the stress causing me to be all inflamed and crazy all the time. i’m not being properly treated for my RA right now, but i have a doctor’s appointment on thursday. i am so afraid of what happens when i start to really address this issue that is hurting me so much - i’m scared that i’m going to have to drastically change my life, but my relationships and job are already suffering. i’m struggling !!!!!!