I just had a conversation with my dad and almost blurted out (the conversation was about my future, because I don't do anything in school or with people) that I didn't even expect to live this long. I really don't know how many more days I can handle this. I haven't done school work for weeks, benchmarks and finals are coming, and I just feel worse and worse. It's to the point where I'm done bothering with meds and treatment stuff because there's no point, I mean, it doesn't really matter. I'm so done of sitting and eating dinner with my rapist everyday, pretending that I believe those 6 years of memory were fake, and knowing that the only person who is keeping me alive is going to move away and I know I won't make it to see her again.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Anxiety (Including GAD)
I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. Please feel free to reach out if you’d like to talk.
I know it sucks honey but we are all here for you. It is never to late to start trying again. Maybe it seems like too much work or too hard but it'll be worth it. I know what it's like and there is always a better day around the corner. Please make it to the day where you can finally have happiness. You are too precious for this world to lose.
Living with suicide ideation is extremely hard I'm afraid. I'm not going to mirror others with the whole it'll get better speel. The reality is you will have to fight for every day of your life. You will have to claw and bite to pull yourself foreward. There will be times when you want nothing more than to throw in the towel because man that sounds good at this time. There will be times when you will feel every part of you begs for things to end because the pain seeps into your very bones. However the longer you stay, the more time good things have to appear. Things that make it just a little easier to live day to day maybe even people. You may feel so alone in this world, but we all are sitting beside you in the darkness. You may need to find things to live for, whether that be seeing that season finale, a pet, family, a partner, to outlive those you hate with every fiber of your being. It doesn't matter how silly it may seem, use it to anchor yourself here. Know that it's okay to lay down in darkness, rest awhile. Allow yourself to recover awhile but once it's time, get back up and start with simply standing. Then one step at a time after that. Know that even in darkness, good things have potential to grow. But also know that when the day comes and you are unable to fight any longer hopefully many years from now, that its okay too. We all gamble with the demons people gave us, but you hold your own cards and decide your next move.
If you'd like advice or someone to vent to/get support from my inbox is always open.
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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