Rant about my sister and my disability

This is a huge rant as im having a bit of a mental breakdown atm... TW- suicide & swearing My older sister (for context they are practically adopted as their old family was awful) anyway, my sister recently went to hang out with friends i initially didn't go as i was already going to our grandparents with my dad and little sister but the day after our dad dropped me off at said friends house (let's call him "P") Anyway P my sister and I all knew each other from years back in school, we were all friends but we hadn't actually seen each other in person in 4 years after P moved schools. P's friend was also there (L) anyway p and L were exes but they got on fine. moving on P and my sister were flirting...like a lot and my sister who previously thought she was 100% lesbian easy crushing in P (not really overly relevant but P is a trans man) P asked my sister out yesterday (sunday) and she said yes. so my sister has a bf now which is cool and I'm supper happy for her as she needs it and I know they will be good together. Thats not the problem at all. OK so a bit of a rundown of what happened was: on thursday I went to my grandparents - Older sister went to P's house, friday evening after I had a nap in the car as we were driving for 3hrs, I was dropped off at P's, got very drunk, did some stupid shit, went home at 9am saturday. fell asleep at 11am and didnt wake up again until 7.30am Sunday, had a bit if a nap at 11am-1am. Then I went to starbucks with my mum and little sister and was exhausted but i wanted a vanilla late to make me feel better as i fely awful and i was spiraling. on the way back to the car i collapsed from exhaustion. when I got home I had a bad anxiety attack because i couldn't find a crochet hook and was sorely tempted to jump out a window but decided cuddles with my German shepherd was a better idea. was anxious for another 4 hours as my hook wasn't found (it was found eventually) I am so angry at my older sister as she can spend 4 full days out with people, drinking and sleeping 3-4 hours a night and still functioning whereas i sleep minimum 8 hours and maximum 24+hours and still can't got to starbucks, by car then walk 100ft into the building and sit first 45mins, and walk back to the car after 17hours of sleep and a 2 hour nap just before leaving. My disability wasn't so "obvious" before as my sister mainly stayed at home or was at work and I could keep up with my best friend and her life but now I'm so angry that I can't do what she can. I loved hanging out with P and L but I can't do it. I really cant do it much or regularly as I would just end up in A&E, I just want to yell at my sister about how selfish she is being as I can't go. About how she should stay with me always. how I'm more important and she needs to wait for me... but I'm so happy she is moving on in her life. she shit childhood with her last family and now she is coming out of her shell and moving on and im so happy but I want to fucking go too! but no im stuckbin bed. I almost cried when I was leaving starbucks, i couldn't even walk 50ft without struggling to breath, legs starting to go numb and needing to sit on tue concrete floor. I almost cried. I only really cry in a full blown mental breakdown. it was the first time my mum, who works lots, had seen how bad it can be and it hurts. I'm so frustrated and all I want to do is blame it all on my sistef amd how she is having fun and im stuck in bed. I'm getting a fucking rolator at 18. only reason I'm not getting a wheelchair is I don't have the upper body strength because of my stupid fucking blood clot in my shoulder and I can't afford an electric wheelchair. why the fuck am I like this... I don't want to be like this. I knew it was bad but i guess this last weekend just...showed it more? I don't know...I know im wrong for blaming my sister and I feel so guilty about it. I've not brought it up to her as its stupid and I don't logically blame her but my emotions say otherwise.