Mz.Styles

227d

Sometimes I feel like shit... I always had self esteem issues in the past, because I was raised in foster care and I had a body... I was sexual abused from the age of 2-18... bounced from house to house, never really getting to know myself... I got adopted when I was 8... Had to take care of my disabled adopted mother and her three children... Never had a social life at all... never could be comfortable to express me... Diagnosed with mental illness... Met my biological family and that didn't go so well... Had my kids and still felt like shit... then my biological mother gave me a hit of crack cocaine... then I was addicted... left my kids with my family, but still tried to keep contact with them... moved to the west side of Chicago and started to prostitute for money to keep my addiction... went to jail a couple of times... but when I went to prison... They called me in to talk to me... They told me I had HIV... I was only 25... I had already thought I was different and weird and didn't belong... My self esteem shot through the roof... I never felt love, or real love from anyone...So I was devastated... My mental health covered my with the softest blankets... I started to prostitute when I got out of prison... I was talking to this creepy guy... but he was cool at first... but I was so wrong... when I didn't do what he asked for, he went to Facebook and made a page about me... telling everyone on my page that I had HIV... then my ex side dude,yes side dude went door to door to inform the neighbors that I had HIV... I couldn't leave the house because I was getting death threats... But I never gave anyone anything... So I hid for a while... I meet my now husband... and things were rocky throughout the relationship but I thought fuck it... Damn, should have read the room clearly... Whenever I left, he would post things about me on Facebook about my condition... I would forgive him... But he started to really show his ass, and I would leave again... This time, he told people I didn't even know about my condition... That broke my heart... because, like I said, I never was shown love... Now I'm still with him, because he said if I was to ever leave, he would tell all my clients that I have HIV... Why am I this unlucky????

Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)

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  • HaveFun

    220d

    Have you considered looking into joining a church? I have found that many churches offer support groups (you must be considerate and respectful). Also, look into support groups. I find that MANY county or local health departments host HIV support groups, or will suggest where to find one / several. With all sincere respect, and for your own sake, please be more positive and FOCUS on what you have and be thankful for every - even "minor" blessings. Begin each day with telling yourself (OUT LOUD) positive mantras, you can find on YouTube, or simply Google "MANTRAS" Here's one I looked up https://youtube.com/shorts/CKMonk3KpNk?feature=share Beware of those questions that will distract your focus from good things as you did by asking, "why does this ALWAYS happen to me". You must direct your mind toward what YOU WANT, not the negative. Otherwise, you will "always" sabotage yourself

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