Hey my names is Mary I'm I suffer from major depressive disorder & ptsd..which im prescribed to welbutrin seraqul topamax and doxepin to help me manage... I'm also recovering addict on methadone maintenance...& I'm really struggling at the moment.. I began using drugs (weed, pills, xanex, etc.) at 12 years old when my mother introduced them to me..I used to think I had the "coolest mom ever" at the time..little did I know I was just being horribly corrupted and manipulated into being my moms personal little drug dealer..... quickly graduated into using the hard-core drugs (heroin, meth) for more then 15 years.....My mom overdosed on heroin & meth and died june 12th, 2021..... shortly after that I ended up going to jail for an old absconding warrant... then went to rehab, and I finally got clean....but unfortunately i relapsed and used meth a few times around her 1 year anniversary... and I know I can stop....it's just that.. I'm so fuckin mentally unstable n traumatized after everything I've been through it's a sin and I'm just venting and hoping for some good feedback or suggestions..or people I can relate to
You're so strong and incredible. I'm not just saying that to make you feeling better, reading this genuinely made me go wow. I lost a cousin to a heroine overdose a couple years ago. He fought to stay clean, was for a while, and then took what had been his normal amount in a relapse but his body wasnt used to it anymore. This addiction is so real and imprisoning. What has happened to you isnt a sin. People took advantage of you and few can understand how incredibly hard and overpowering these addictions can be. I'm proud of how long you were clean. The relapses dont invalidate all that time you were battling an inner army. I know you can stop too, even if you lose a few battles you can win the war. Be patient and kind with yourself. Sounds like you maybe need to come to terms with the loss of your mother since the anniversary is what triggered this relapse. I hear there is therapy specifically for grieving.
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