does anyone else feel like a bad person after they set a boundary?

my boyfriend made a vaguely sexual joke earlier and usually i would laugh at it, but this time i could feel myself getting upset. i thought about it for a minute, let him know that i didn't like that + why i didn't like it, then he immediately apologized and let me know he would be more careful about his wording in the future. i am very, very lucky to have someone who listens to me and understands, but i still feel so, so bad.

i don't think i'm upset at the joke anymore, or at least not when i think to hard about it, but i feel like a bad person. i feel like by telling him i was upset, didn't like something he did, and him agreeing to be careful i'm asking him for a lot?? i feel controlling. i feel like he's going to get tired of me overanalyzing his jokes. i feel like i'm weak and annoying for getting upset in the first place.

it's been like 6 hours since the initial conversation but i keep resisting the urge to ask him if he's sure he doesn't hate me (i've folded a couple times and he's let me know he's still in love with me!!!) and i just feel like ripping my hair out. i feel like a bad person. like a bad boyfriend. i've made sure to take all my meds and let him know i wouldn't bug him anymore because he is literally at work while i have another spiral (praying the lunesta and seroquel kick in soon bc i am tired of being awake and thinking lol). i have even gone so far as to set an appointment with my psychiatrist ASAP bc i feel like my anxiety meds need to be adjusted. at this point, if i don't pass out after posting this, i will text my DBT phone coach.

sorry for this long one, but have any of you gone through this? how do you not feel crazy/overbearing or like you're a bad person??

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

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  • Emily55


    Oh yes I became a person who just takes a bunch of shit that I didn’t want due to feeling like a bad person . I am not diagnosed with BPD. But I relate and I’m sorry you go through this.

  • TarynMoon


    All. The. Time. And it's even worse if you have family members that don't respect boundaries at all. Just try to remember that boundaries are there to protect you and if someone truly cares for you they will respect your boundaries.

    • teooo


      this is the situation exactly!!! i will try to set a boundary with family, get disrespected or straight up scolded for the attempt. so i think it's a shock when he's understanding and even offers boundaries before i ask?? or i get this feeling of how long until the jig is up and he lashes out like my family has.

      • TarynMoon


        I know that all too well 😥. Just try to remember that he isn't them and give him a chance to prove that without always thinking the worse. It can be hard but in the long run it's worth it. I had a service dog and my family refused to listen to the boundaries I set for her like not playing with her while we were training or feeding her people food while we ate. It was so devaluing to hear them talk about how I didn't need her and to not respect the boundaries I set.

  • Bookie


    I feel like that all the time. Sometimes it just hits me and I’m sad or upset over the littlest things. And when my boyfriend asks me why I am, sometimes I can’t even say why because I myself don’t know. And it’s okay to fold too. When I feel myself getting anxious or like something is wrong, I always ask my boyfriend reassuring questions. You’re not a bad person even though you might feel like it. I promise. :)

  • D3stiny


    Yeah this happens to me on the daily. I am not currently diagnosed with BPD, but I get what you mean 100%. Everytime I get invited somewhere I usually say no because I don’t want to go, but then I feel bad that I’m staying home and my friends go out without me. It hits and it hits hard, you aren’t alone :)

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