Struggling with HIV Diagnosis and Medication

Hi this is my first time posting here. I was diagnosed in 2018 I found out at 3 months pregnant and have been dealing with this ever since. I feel like my life was taken from me. I have been in a deep depression and live in a constant state of anxiety. I am ready to reclaim my life. I have not taken medication in over a year. I was prescribed Biktarvy but I’m terrified to take it. I’m scared that I’ve built an “intolerance” to it and my body won’t accept the meds. I’m scared that it will make me sick(every medication I take makes me extremely sick-vomiting from sun up to sun down-no matter what I take) can you guys give me advice? I want to be here for my son and I’m scared I’m killing myself by putting this illness on a back burner and not taking my meds like I’m supposed to. I haven’t been to the clinic/doctor I’m supposed to see in over a year as well. I feel like I’m running out of time but I also feel scared to accept that I’m living with this disease.