Struggling to Find a Mental Connection with a Partner

Wanting to find a mental connection with a partner, but next to never having one despite being almost 30; and blaming mental health for it. Wondering if I’m too much to handle, too smart, or too damaged. And willing to live a life on my own but afraid to bc of not being able to take care of your self as properly as you would like. Scared something may happen and no one will ever know. Not suicidal but depression sometimes make you wanna do nothing… Just trying to find a place in life figuratively and literally that easy calm and simple. Is that too much to ask? I’ll be one of those old beautiful minded people in the future, I hope, who help others but never got a stereotypical happy ending.