cielonu

187d

I've made a grave mistake and have been unfaithful to my partner. I immediately confessed and was met with consequences. After my break down, the fear, the desperation, and the begging, I realized that Borderline Personality Disorder is taking over my life. It takes more than Sertraline, DBT, and CBT to "fight" this. It takes a will to live. A will to accept that I am flawed, BPD or not. I'll be getting spiritual here: BPD is my shadow and rather than hiding it and presenting it as the reason I feel I am not a good person, I am striving to embrace it and work with it rather than against it. I feel shame, guilt, remorse, and deep depression. Through my actions, I've hurt many people that I love. Despite having thoughts of suicide, the desire to swallow all of my pills at once, the urge to drink the pain away, I will stay alive. Whoever got this far, thanks for listening. What I did was wrong and I have owned up to it. I've beat myself up for my mistakes, my past, and my present long enough. Conquering the battle I have between my authentic self and my BPD will be a tough journey, but not impossible. I hope I can share that journey with you all. To all my fellow folx with BPD. Stay strong. We got this.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Sertraline

Generalized pain

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  • Nova13

    187d

    ❤️

  • cjness

    187d

    I understand that, too. BPD makes us do stupid stuff. Makes me hate myself. In my public speaking class I said that I wish my brain would be better at forgetting.

    • jerrielyn

      176d

      oh don't wish that on yourself I forget so much when it comes back to me it's horrifying. I forget major important stuff. I've almost lost my housing because I forget how to do paperwork when I can even remember to do it. It really sucks

  • Riptide

    187d

    I also cheated on my significant other. He found out the first weekend in May. I feel terrible, shameful, remorseful but I worry we won't survive this. He also has mental health issues and is actually in a psych unit right now because this completely pushed him over the edge. We're actually engaged and we're both saying we want to work through this and get over it. There are trust issues on both sides. There have been times he has said I use my BPD diagnosis as an excuse and am manipulative and playing games. But I do not feel like I am. Did y'all split up or stay together? If you're still together, what are you doing to work through the infidelity?

    • cjness

      187d

      I did that but that was because I tried to break up with him but it didn't work. Now I may be in a class with his mother.

    • cielonu

      187d

      He doesn't want anything to do with me. I want so badly to work on this. I didn't hide the fact that I cheated. I told him immediately. He's not having it and I don't blame him, but I pray he changes his mind and gives me a second chance. This is the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it so much.

      • cjness

        186d

        I understand that.

      • Riptide

        186d

        fingers crossed he may change his mind. I've heard all that from my fiance` too. He's done, it's over, I've been called everything in the book. I knew he was angry, hurt, and devastated so I let him holler and yell and cuss. But we've agreed we're going to get past this. It's not going to be easy for either one of us but I truly believe if we both want it then we will figure out how to get passed this and come out stronger in the other side.

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