Struggling with Sexual Enjoyment and Depression

I highly suggest the book Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski. It’s really helpful in helping specifically women understand their sexual desire. I would also look at side effects of any meds you are taking.

No like i'm a very sexual being and I initiate sexual behavior all the time but it's a shot in the dark as to whether i'll enjoy it when it happens.

Are you perhaps asexual?

I relate to this heavily. I've honestly stopped trying because even if it's something I want to do, I don't ever enjoy it actually happening.