Feeling Isolated and Needing Connection

Hello! I hope you are having a good day! My day has been pretty good so far. I mostly just work everyday, but I don't mind because it keeps me occupied and helps me support myself. I am a correctional officer, and so my duties often include dealing with the violent and mentally ill, as well as the nastier elements of society. Although I am generally well liked I think among my coworkers, I often struggle to befriend them because I do not understand small talk, and have no idea how to relate to them beyond the job. There are some co-workers who trick me and make fun of me for laughs, however I don't let this get me down because there are far more people who are kind. I also often feel intense feelings of incompetence when I forget how to do things I've done hundreds of times, and I panic because I think people will judge me, but I can never tell if I'm just being hard on myself. Overall I really enjoy my job and my life, it is very fulfilling helping people, my only wish is that I could connect with people better. Much love, and I hope you feel better!

Hi— nice to meet you. :^) I had another therapist leave and my teachers are concerned about me and want to talk tomorrow. I don’t really want to talk to them, I just want to be left alone. I wrote one a note explaining why I’m leaving their class and since they’re all friends they’re roping each other in... now I’m stressed about that. Since it’s past the deadline to drop I’ll have to talk to my counselor about it. If she doesn’t let me leave I’ll likely take a trip to the psychiatric ward. Which is fine... I understand that I need it. It’s just unfortunate that I’ve been lead to this place. I find a lot of comfort in music. I play a lot of instruments. When I’m crying but I don’t want to, my solution is to play some music. If I’m not and I do want to, I listen to songs. Cavetown, MARINA, The Oh Hellos, Mother Mother... and some other bands. :^) I hope one day I can put this stress behind me. I got into this situation because I can’t say no to people, especially authority figures. I have to be liked... and now it’s tearing me apart. I made my mom cry. That was probably the worst part of today. I explained to her how I felt. How I thought I was letting everyone down. She brings me so much hope and I love her so much. I hope I can be happy again— for her. For now we’ll take it one step at a time. I hoped this helped you feel a little less isolated. If you need to vent this is a good place to do it. Have a good day.

Hey!! Yesterday was a big day for me! I saw a new therapist for the first time, I had a medication appointment, and I went grocery shopping! And last night I started Zoloft and today I increased my dose of Adderall so hopefully those will help! And today I did some cleaning and obsessively shopped for a bag/case for my Epipens and inhaler lol but now I’ve calmed down and am doing my homework. The Adderall was a little much for me today but I’m pretty sure I’ll feel more normal tomorrow and the next day. I hope you are doing okay!!!❤️❤️❤️

Danger noodle: 🐍

Hm, well recently I talked to someone I like again and I found out they still liked me so yay for me. Though recently I've been dealing with my best friend who has many mental illnesses and disabilities who is continuing to be friends with someone who tried to fight them! That person keeps hurting them and they don't see it, I keep telling them. Though that's my failure recently. The fact that I can't save my friend from the soon to be heartbreak that those people will cause them and it hurts so bad to know this. Also you can get through this I promise, it may not be good now but it will come eventually! <3