Struggling to Keep Going

what keeps you going?

I lost my son due to false allegations. I find it hard to keep moving forward. my son was my reason for living. He always kept me going even when times are rough. I lost the best thing that ever happened to me!!

so I have 3 toddler, and I'm only 21 years old. They're all from the same man, my husband who is 26 now. we have a wonderful life and family. he's amazing and makes good money, we're very responsible and love being parents. we're very much in love still. during the pandemic I decided to start online college classes since I was just sitting around at home with the kids. I'm still taking online classes, but last month I decided to accept a work study position. i started working last month, I just finished my second semester with a 4.0 GPA and I'm in the honors academy program. I work really hard as a student, and as a mother, and as a wife. I strive for perfection in every aspect of my life and right now everything is falling apart. While working, my husband has experienced incredible jealousy and its completely draining. he met everyone in my office, I do everything possible to reassure him, and still nothing has helped. on top of that, I got a 89 in one of my classes which killed me, and my work life has been complete shit. also, my mother who has been watching my kids has been very unreliable and my children have been injured on her watch multiple times already in less than a month... this morning, I tried to quit my job but my supervisor told me I'm the best work study he has ever had and that I can stay if I wanted to... I only quit bc I thought I was gonna be fired soon. I've missed almost a week of work (not all at once) and have been late countless times. I feel like shit about myself. I'm a great worker but through no fault of my own, I'm unable to rely on anyone. not my husband, not my parents, literally no one in the world. I feel bitter and resentful towards my husband and parents for begging me to keep working while simultaneously doing everything possible to make me wanna quit or possibly get fired. so do I keep working because I like it? or do I quit because it's easier for everyone else including myself ... is it worth my marriage? no. not at all. I love my husband. but what about me?