Dealing with Unsupportive Family Members as an Autistic Person

Its classic ablisim on her part. Not that I doubt her love for you. There is a stigma. When there shouldn't be. Its the same as you talking about your haircolor. Its just as shame free and a natural part of you

If she said “don’t let your autism define me” to me I personally would respond “don’t let being a women define you.” She would probably be confused and reply something along the lines of “but it does define me” or “I am a women.” Then ask “but why does it define you”. She’ll likely get irritated and then you’ve proven the point because “just like you are a women and it defines you I am autistic and it defines me. It is how my brain is wired and influences every aspect of how I interact with the world.” You don’t have to “be smart” if that’s not your style though.

I would just say "it's a part of me, of course I'm going to mention it". My family members usually lay off after I explain the difficulties of being autistic and how it's something I was born with and can't change. Good luck with this!